APRIL SHOWERS

 

The lightning struck, intensely bright, followed in almost the same instance by the thunderclap directly overhead that shook the car.

The rain continued to fall heavily beating a frantic tune on the car roof.

Then almost as quickly as the dark skies arrived, they were gone and the sun was out again although it was a few moments before the April shower stopped completely.

We were parked by the village green which was patterned with strips of freshly cut grass and when we got out of the car the mixture of sun, rain and cut grass the smell was intoxicating.

We locked the car and headed down the lane.

As if the switch on a great sound system had been flicked the bird life in the trees bordering the green exploded into a cacophony of sound as they emerged from their shelters to go about their business.

Then we turned off the lane into the woods where nature and man had left its mark.

The areas that had once been coppiced or pollarded now went their own way and the woods were full of life.

On the borders of woods, the old cut and lay hedge and the ancient hedgerows along the lanes teamed with a great abundance of life of all kinds.

A sobering reflection on this idyllic scene is that all the visible life was either predator or prey but that did not detract from its beauty in fact it enhanced it if anything.

Then the skies darken again, and the rain starts to fall, and we must make a dash for the car.

By the time we reach the car we are soaked to the skin and we quickly scrabble into the car as if it were possible to get any wetter.

Just as I close the door the lightning strikes again and then the thunder shakes the car once more.

What a wonderful and remarkable time spring is in the British Isles.

The unpredictability transforms, almost in a heartbeat, from tranquillity to chaos.

I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else.

WHERE EAGLE’S DARE

 

Over mountains up on high

A lonely Eagle had to fly

For years he had been alone 

In the mountains on his own

Mostly he was a happy lad

But sometimes he got sad

So, decided to fly down below

For some “company” you know

 

It wasn’t a very long journey

Before he reached a leafy tree

Where he met a Tit called Tina

And there the Eagle had her

Then after he had had his way 

He bad farewell and flew away 

So, after the deed was done

And the Eagle had had his fun 

Tina said, “I am a little Tit

And I’ve had a little bit

And I liked it”

 

Over mountains up on high

A lonely Eagle had to fly

For years he had been alone 

In the mountains on his own

Mostly he was a happy lad

But sometimes he got sad

So, decided to fly down below

For some “company” you know

 

It wasn’t a very long journey

Before he reached a leafy tree

And he met a Dove called Daisy

Where the Eagle had her easily

Then after he had had his way 

He bad farewell and flew away 

So, after the deed was done

And the Eagle had had his fun 

Daisy Said, “I am a little dove

And I’ve had a little love

And I liked it”

 

Over mountains up on high

A lonely Eagle had to fly

For years he had been alone 

In the mountains on his own

Mostly he was a happy lad

But sometimes he got sad

So, decided to fly down below

For some “company” you know

 

Its journey wasn’t very harsh

And soon he reached a marsh

Where the met a Duck called Jo

And the Eagle had her just so

Then after he had had his way 

He bad farewell and flew away 

So, after the deed was done

And the eagle had had his fun 

Jo said, “I am a little Drake

And he made a big mistake

But I liked it”

I DO NOT LIKE THAT

As by way of a general ruling

I have made this to be my doctrine

To dislike, distrust, or fear

Any creature meeting these criteria

Anything with more limbs than I

Anything that moves faster than I

Anything with scales or feathers

Anything surviving extreme weathers

Anything having more teeth than I do

Any creature covered in goo

Anything that growls and grunts

That isn’t engaged in sexual stunts

Anything with claws and talons

Anything that drools by the gallons

Anything that’s excessively hairy

Any creature whose eyes are starey

Anything that bites or stings

Anything that uses wings

Anything with horns or armour

Anything with an aggressive demeanour

Anything too small to see

Anything that’s bigger than me

If you think of anything, I've missed

Then I will add them to the list 

PANDERING

 

The Giant Panda

To some extent

Is the architect

Of its predicament

Its choice of habitat

And fussy diet

Contributes greatly

To its demise, I regret

JIMBO

 

I got a new dog from Battersea

And I have called him Jimbo

I now take him to obedience classes

Where they walk us to and fro

 

But when he should be at heel

Jimbo almost always runs away

And then he comes bounding back

When he is supposed to sit and stay

 

Then when he’s walking on the lead

I have to pull young Jimbo back

Or he’s round and round my feet

Until I end up lying on my back

 

We’ve stopped going to the classes

And I have a stick for him to chase

I can forgive my Jimbo anything

When he jumps up to lick my face

SIZE DOESN’T MATTER

 

Gnats as big as Bats

Bats as big as Rats

Rats as big as Cats

Fleas as big as Bees

Bees that eat the Trees

Trees that eat the Cheese

Fly’s that eat pork Pies

Pies that wear bow Ties

Ties that tell you Lies

I see with eyes blinking

Things to get me thinking

God I must stop drinking

BEAR NECESSITIES

 

When in the North America forests

On holiday

Carry with you a whistle

And a can of pepper spray

Because you might meet a bear

 

A small bear eats mainly fruit

And the occasional squirrel

And can be easily scared away

With a sharp blast on your whistle

That’s how to deal with a small bear

 

A large bear won’t be frightened away

By a blast of your whistle

But a squirt of your pepper spray

Will do the trick not a lot just a little

That’s how to deal with a large bear

 

You can check if bears are in the area

By examining their droppings

If it smells of fruit

And contains squirrel fur

Then it was deposited by a small bear

 

However, if the more dangerous large bear

Left its deposit along the way

It will probably contain a whistle

And it will smell of pepper spray